28 June 2011

:Happiness in the sadness:

A cake I made specially for my father. Happy fathers day!

I am observing the roadside of Marang from SP Bumi's windowseat. It was one sunny Friday. A few stalls selling vegetables, fruits, cloths, books, and many more were set up in Rusila, Marang.

A group of aged people came into the bus with big platic bags and baskets filled with vegetables. Fully loaded with vegetables. I wanted to help them carrying their stuffs, but my seat was quite far from them. It made me relief when all of them got seats somewhere at the front of the bus.

I wonder how much money they had spent to buy those vegetables? Where exactly they got the strength to carry those heavy plastic bags? Considering that they are old. My eyes were glooming with tears. My mind then kept thinking of my parent. What are they doing? Are they carrying heavy things too? I wish I am already at Dungun, so I can help them with their homeworks.

After saying thank you to the driver bus, I cross the road and wait for my parent. It always feels good coming home. Even my house is not connected with the Internet, there are lots of things that I can do instead of just having a good sleep. We have plants all over the house. Gardening is always one of my muses. We have cats and chicken to look after for. We can bake cakes, reading comics and books, playing play-station, watching movies, and many more. Home sweet home.

I am the first girl in the family. All my brothers were not working here. I was 18 when my brothers got a job at Sabah. Usually, they will come back twice a year or only during Hari Raya due to their duties. After they left, I felt the responsibilities to look after my parent as my brothers were not around. I choose to stay close with them, putting aside what I want. I guide my younger sister well, wishing she will taste and experience what I don't. Seems like she is on the right track to the University of Malaya.

Now, I have to break the chain of my life. I have to be away from my parent as I will continuing my study in Bangi. It was my teenage dream to study in UKM or UM. Now I am 25, and the feelings is different.

It is not easy, counting days to leave them. It is hard as I already get use to the responsibilities. When I was in Unisza, I went home almost every weekend. Considering the distance from KT to KL, i can't go home as often as before. For the time being, I also have to manage my finance. For the moment I kept wondering, Who will help them carrying the goods from market? Who will hold their hands while crossing the road? Who will help them with the homeworks?

I am lingering with these questions lately, but I never regret with my decision. This is the best, and this is for them too. Even my night were streaming with tears lately, I still have to go there. Be strong and have faith in Qada' and Qadar. He will ease the way, He will cure the pain, and He will always look after them. I should not worry about them.

Dear Allah, please ease my way to success. Please reward my parent with the longevity of life, so then they can taste the sweetness of my victory. Amin~

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