A few notes on recent life

Words are just not enough to describe what I'd been through lately. Mix of emotions I could say. Nevertheless, what past is past. The future never fails to intrigue me. Living in bliss in this present life either as servant to Allah, wife to dear husband, daughter to my parent, or even a master student, only lead me to a rightful way. To Him. Despite all the problems, I am better now. I performed a Solat hajat last couple of days asking for guidance and peace. Sometimes I kept asking myself, how do I look in His 'eyes'? Does He recognize me? How to get His attention? I believe when you are someone so dear to Him, He always remember you. So I add another wish in my wish-list. I want to be a servant so dear to Him. I don't want to just be like other millions servant in this world. I want to be special for Him. So I started my baby steps. I don't wear tight jeans anymore. I wear long scarft to cover my chest. I wore loose cloth. But still it looks pretty in my husband's eyes. Well, that's all what really matter.

As a wife, I can consider myself as a bad wife. In a few circumstances. I struggled to find peace with quality of life after getting married. Sometimes I woke up late and rushed to University. I failed to provide my husband with a good breakfast. I slept late too because of so many divergances. Manga, Facebook, blog, and et cetera. Well something that I constantly need to remind myself is that, I am no longer a single lady. When you vowed to be a great wife on previous day, sacrifices do not awaits you at bay. They linger around you every day. So She, you know what you have to do. Choose your interest wisely, you just can't have it all. Priorities come first.

A senior of mine once said, to really welcome a stranger in your life, it takes time. Hell yeah. On first and second month of our marriage, I remember built a boundary between me and husband. For instances, this is my clothing space, and that is yours. Do not mess with my clothes. Do not bla bla and bla bla. After a while, husband said "What's the point of marriage if we have to follow all the boundaries? Aren't we husband and wife?". Brilliant point, right? Screw me and all my single life rules. Up to this point of life, I am still learning about my husband. What he likes and dislikes in cooking, what does he feel when I say this and that, what he really loves me to wear, what he desires most, and many more. It may take longer time but I am willing to learn. Because he, my husband, is the only man I'd ever love this much.

On my parent, they were doing great at village. I miss them so much. Frequently I shared stories of my childhood to dear hubby. Tears are soo hard to contain when I am talking about them. I have a superb memories of childhood. To my parent, I will give the world to them if I can. Due other responsibilities and limitation, we can't visit them every week. When ever we were at village, week end seem to be shorter. Maybe because Friday is so near to Monday, but Monday is far from Friday. Dear Allah, please shower my parent and ma in law with Your Blessing. Amin.

Life as student is great too! In first semester I managed to complete almost one subfamily and get myself familiar with the laboratory protocols. My supervisor push me to convert my master to pHD. I am excited. The other researcher at FRIM also support my conversion to pHD. Let see how my study will progress in the future. May Allah guide me all the way. 


p/s: I had deleted certain posts that brought judge and prejudge which I totally disagree. This is my own space where I documented what had happened in my life. Just for that purpose, so my future will know what I'd been through nor it's bitter. It took a whole lot of sighing and sighing to open a wounded scar. If I did it with bad intention or because of anger, why would I do it now. All my writings are meant for my future, and to find someone violated and made sarcastic post out of it is totally unacceptable. You may deny or make reasons, but Allah know what happened deep down in your heart.